It hit me yesterday as I was driving home…


There is so much ugliness in this world, so much that hit in the face every day that we have probably gotten numb to it and can no longer really see it or be disgusted by it, let alone try to change it…

“Ugliness is all around” my mind kept repeating that phrase in such a sad and defeated tone “the world is ugly ugly ugly”

That beauty we see from time to time around us is real, but it does not belong to the world; it is the mere projection of the beauty we still have inside us since our birth, which keeps decreasing until we eventually fade into the background of ugliness that captures our souls as we grow older.

Say all you want about optimism and positive thinking and believing that there is goodness and beauty out there, there isn’t.

I used to believe in the basic goodness in people, that it can out-win any evil that may take possession of their souls, I used to believe there is enough beauty to take over ugliness, and enough happiness that can wipe away all the sorrow there is, there isn’t.

Truth is, we will always get hurt by that ugliness, our souls will always quiver in pain at its sight, until we eventually learn to become uglier each day so that we don’t stand out in the contrast and be attacked with more pain…

That’s what I learned on the night of my thirty first birthday, I have spent a couple of years becoming ugly because I failed at making my world beautiful and failed twice as miserably to protect myself from its ugliness…

I hate my ugliness more than I hate that of the world’s because it’s staying within me hurting me every single day of my life, and the more I try to rid myself of it I keep getting hit by that of the world so I hide back again into my own ugliness; it’s like a cloak of dirt I hide into because without it I am exposed to what I cannot take.

I’m sorry for those who may read it and feel sad for me –or for themselves-, I am really sorry for drawing your attention to what you may have never wanted to see, or what you may have been denying in order to survive, but this world is ugly, and it makes us all ugly or it destroys us beyond repair.


~ by insomniac on June 2, 2012.

2 Responses to “Ugly”

  1. Beautiful piece. I wrote something similar to this some time back, and I can completely relate to this state of mind. I agree with you on so many levels.

  2. […] years ago, I wrote a post expressing my hurt and confusion, and only now do I recognize how it can be summed in Nietzsche’s […]

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