ده مش وجعك*

It’s like biting into one sour green lemon and feeling that electric shock filling up all my senses…

Everything is cringing with pain… the pain source is my heart, sending out ripples of pain, no, tides of random, yet somehow timed electric shocks that electrocute every cell in my body… and then, the pain subsides at my limbs leaving them totally numb…

My lungs swell wanting to burst through my ribs despite my attempts of expanding my ribs by breathing in harder through a stuffy nose and a blocked throat…

بحس ان روحي بتطلع… لكن في نفس الوقت بتحاول تكلبش فى جسمي على قد ما تقدر و ده اللي بيسبب الوجع…

The minute I start surrendering to the numbness, and feel that pain subsiding, tears start flowing and before I know it, I start fighting for air, but then the electric shocks attack me again repeating that entire cycle…

….

 “ده مش وجعك… ده بيحصل لما بيتحدف عليكي وجع مش بتاعك و انتي بتحاولي تشيليه…

This is the kind of woman you are… you deny men their instinct to protect you because you make everyone –including yourself- believe that you’re strong enough to take it all…

انتي اللي هتشيلي الليلة!! و على فكرة يعني، دي مش ميزة فيكي… ده خازوق كبير

متصلبيش نفسك و تستني الناس تعمل منك اله…

Get off that cross ; there are no believers, and you will bleed to death…

Recognize it when it’s not your pain and reject it, and love yourself… when you love yourself, you don’t allow her to feel that kind of pain… you protect her like no one could”

 

* April 20, 2011

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~ by insomniac on October 20, 2011.

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