Inspired by Dostoevsky’s Life, and my pain…

Picture this; actually, feel it…

You’re on death row…

You’re desperate, yet, you have hoped that you’d be pardoned… there’s been such talk…

The day comes, you’re marched towards the place, your hands are tied, you’re blind folded, and you’re made to face the wall…

You hear the guns making their dreadful sound…

You close your eyes and tears wet that blindfold in that very instant…

*NOTHING*

You’re pardoned…

With your hands still tied and your eyes still blind folded, with tears covering your face you start breathing hope

You plan your life in that very instant, promising never to repeat the same mistake, promising to live to the fullest…

And before your hands are untied so that you can remove your blindfolds and see that life you had just dreamed, you’re told “not so fast, your death sentence was never lifted, head back to the wall

Imagine all those feelings filling you up: the disappointment, the pain, the betrayal, the despair, the panic…

You collapse, bit by bit as you wait for that most dreaded sound to end your misery as it takes away all your dreams…

You just hope for your life to end because it’s too much pain, even though the pain is caused by your fear that your life would end… the irony!!

And you’re told again that you’re pardoned…

Relief fills your lungs up, and as you fear of breathing it out of those lungs, you’re informed that “No, your crimes cannot be pardoned, they’re simply unforgiveable”

Over and over… like a sick twisted version of Sisyphus…

Until you’re no longer sure which is more dreadful, the execution or the false hope for a pardon that brings the execution yet again…

It’s the ultimate and cruelest futility of all, hope, the illusion of hope, and the death of it…

Hope is dangerously misleading like that, and it can be painfully disappointing that way…

 

~March 18, 2011

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~ by insomniac on March 20, 2011.

3 Responses to “Inspired by Dostoevsky’s Life, and my pain…”

  1. BRUTAL
    not hope
    but how you create the texture of the experience

  2. first time here… not sure..

  3. u havent wrote anything for a while , hope that every thing is goin well and u r in a god health .

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