You Never Died

I lost count of how many years have passed since your death, I only remember it was March 15th of my last year in college.

I miss you every day, I beg my nostrils to conjure your smell and I close my eyes real hard and fool my body into feeling your arms around me as you would tell me over and over again “mafeesh fel 2alb gheirik“… it still moves me how you knew how to love me the most even though you loved us all the same…

This year, I realize you never died…

I see you when I look in the mirror…

I see the genes you gave me: the eyes, the cheek bones, the blush…

I see the spirit you passed on to me: the fire, the strength, the passion, the stubbornness, the spirit of a fighter…

God, it’s a double edged sword; to have all that and live… live knowing that I will always fight and I will always always stand up again no matter how hard I fall…

How did you do it? I have seen you long before I could understand, log before any of it made sense…

And now that I am wondering myself why I don’t just break, and when I was told the answer, your face showed right before my eyes!!!

Is it your genes and your spirit? Or are you watching over me and “blessing” me with those gifts because you love me too much to see me broken???

I miss you so much, I miss you even though I realize now that you will always be in my heart keeping it together whenever it breaks, until it heals…

wa7shany awy ya neina, Allah yer7amek.

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~ by insomniac on March 14, 2011.

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