And the panic attacks…


Yes, it makes sense, I have plenty of those… and it’s not because I had a traumatizing childhood or because I suffered a dramatic loss… I pretty much had a “normal” upbringing, whatever normal is, my losses and tragedies are not extreme, at least not on the physical side…

We all have those issues on a wide scale; we all do even if we don’t recognize them, and we are all affected by them in all our relationships…

But that does not help me the least bit, knowing that I am not alone, or knowing that it’s a collective suffering… it just makes it feel bigger than me, making me feel even more helpless and desperate…

If all those people couldn’t find a way out or a way to deal, how am I supposed to do it?? I personally don’t believe I have more strength in me than the entire collective… so is it all useless? All my attempts to understand, change, and cope are basically futile??

I am trying not to panic, not to jump to my usual defense mechanisms, desperate conclusions, and anger-induced reactions… but this is too big for me to handle, and NO, it does not help at all that I am not alone in it


~ by insomniac on October 31, 2010.

3 Responses to “And the panic attacks…”

  1. You’re right, each and everyone of us has issues. I think it’s best to just accept yourself, as fighting your character is useless anyway…

  2. :(

    Ma3lesh ya Merry, tough times never last.

    Remember: “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”

    Tebat nar tesba7 ramad in-sha2-Allah

    :) *hug*

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