The darkness…

And I found myself taken back to that moment…

In the dark… where my silent tears kept overflowing from my eyes and no one could see them, only I felt them burning my eyes and my cheeks as I wiped them off before they were noticed… I opened my mouth for a silent cry that was echoing so loudly inside my body as I kept whispering to myself in a voice only I could hear…

I knew what I was doing; I was running in the opposite direction… I was dragging myself…  I remember the emotional pain I willingly suppressed as I increased it…

I kept crying inside and trying too hard not to let it show, not to let it be felt by anyone but me… I took a knife and cut off a piece of myself thinking it would never grow back…

But it grew… it grows…

It grows from right beneath the wound I cut into myself, never giving it time to heal…

It grows both hurting and healing it at the same time…

It grows as I scream in pain and smile in joy… it grows…

And one of those days, it might overgrow me, but my fear is that it might not overgrow the scar that wound might leave… the scar only I can see…

And I fear that every time I see the scar, I would remember the darkness and cry my tears over and over…

 

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~ by insomniac on October 16, 2010.

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