The day the sun had set…

 

I sat away at first… I watched where the sun was, overwhelmed with the utter knowledge that it will eventually sink in the sea leaving nothing but darkness… it didn’t really matter that it would rise again after the night had passed, it still leaves, every time…

I stood up and decided to walk towards it anyway… I had music in my ears, sad love songs to remind me of the inevitable end… I walked and walked as the air hit my face and my body as if to try and push me or at least make me stand still…

I couldn’t walk any farther… I sat, only close, where I could feel the subtle waves touching my feet before they drift away… my fears surrounding me like the cold air that kept blowing my hair and my cardigan, yet my feet were kept warm with one wave after the other covering it deeper into the warm sand…

 

Time and time again, I said I’d leave you… time and time again, I went away

But then, would come the time… when I would need you,

and once again, these words I’ll have to say…

 

The song played in my ears as my eyes were transfixed on the setting sun… a tear fell from my left eye and rolled on my cheek below my shades touching my lips to lose its form and just no longer exist…

 

I know it’s wrong, it must be wrong… but right or wrong, I can’t get along


The sun bleeds into the sea, making my breaths get heavier for me to take in… I keep watching until its burning flames completely sink in the dark indigo making my heart feel even heavier… I decide to walk back, away from the setting sun, perhaps the farther I walk, the less dark it gets…

I stop where I had once sat earlier and turn away again to face where the sun was… I see the dying warm shades of orange spreading into the shimmering cold shades of indigo…

 

Until you’ve flipped your heart, and you have lost…
You don’t know what love is…


I breathe in really hard… then I look away at the darker part of the sky, where I am… I feel it getting colder… I am on my own now, my sister is sitting somewhere on the same shore, and people are still on the beach passing by, but it’s still just me having to take it all in, feel it, process it, and decide what to do with it all…

 

Do you know how a lost heart fears the thought of reminiscing…

And the lips that taste of tears, lose their taste for kissing…


I notice the tides erasing all the footprints that had marked the sand… I get closer to the sea, I dig my feet deep into the wet sand hoping they’d leave a deeper print, but the waves erase my prints with my feet hidden underneath…

 

You don’t know how hearts burn… for love that cannot live, yet never dies…

Until you’ve faced each dawn with sleepless eyes…


I keep going backwards leaving shallower footprints until I tiptoe… what’s the point of leaving a trace?

 

I eventually sit down again, closer to where the waves hit, not caring for how wet I get, let the tides wash over me, they won’t take me in, I am too heavy inside and out to be swept in… so they touch me, with their warmth, and then they are swept back into the sea leaving me to the cold breeze, shivering….

 

What a fool am I, to think my breaking heart could kid the moon…

What’s in store, should I phone once more…

No it’s best that I stick to my tune…


 

I stand up again… I gaze at where the sun had set, I see the tiny crescent drawing itself with a pale silver shade that somehow still blends into the sky… I notice the star that is always burning close enough to it… I smile at them… I wonder if the star misses the moon when it is not there, or does it get jealous when it’s all full and beaming its beauty on earth, stealing away its shimmer…

 

They all go in cycles… the sun sets to rise again… the moon fills up until its full, thins until it’s a crescent again only to disappear and then repeat its cycle, like an always kept promise… the stars always glitter in the same places marking the skies for lost travelers, and when one burns out, somehow a new one burns in the same place, until eternity… the tides, they keep visiting the shore, sometimes bringing warmth, and sometimes bringing sorrow, but don’t they always take away whatever they bring, erasing all that’s behind…

 

Everything ends, but then everything somehow begins again… and I am lost in between all that, unable to know if I want to end, or be revived…

 

Do they know, do they care… that it’s only, that I’m lonely, and low as can be

And the smile on my face isn’t really a smile at all…


I give it all one last glance and walk back to my car as the sand keeps filling my slippers making it harder to walk away, but I do… I have a life to go back to, one of which I am not so fond, but it’s mine and it’s all I really have.

 

*Photo Credit: taken by my sad low resolution mobile camera

* Songs Credit: Billie Holiday’s “I’m a fool to want you”, “You don’t know what love is”, “I get along without you very well”, and “The end of a love affair” from her album Lady in Satin. I’ll add links later for they’re a must hear.

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~ by insomniac on September 10, 2010.

2 Responses to “The day the sun had set…”

  1. This is such a beautiful post…painful but beautiful.
    Actually, i think it would turn into a masterpiece if you used it as an intro for a novel…mix reality with fiction and publish a beautiful book.
    Good things CAN come out of suffering…ask any artist :)
    You are the best girl I’ve ever encountered in my life…you have so much potential.
    I love you
    Hugs*

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