The First Monday…

It is a milestone…

I always looked forward to Mondays…

Today, my heart clenched as the minutes approached 3… I started getting nervous, and at some point as a fiend tried to get me into a chit-chat, I found my eyes gushing with tears… so I rushed to the washroom and spent the minutes left to 3 in there trying to look my new natural self, pale and gloomy…

Eventually, I left work the moment I got out of the washroom; like I was running away from the void before it sucked me in…

Texted Rasha on my way out knowing (and rather hoping) she would only read it later…

Picked up my Mocha, went home… we had people coming over, so I decided to nap in my jeans… opened my laptop only out of habit, and then realized it was simply dumb, so I switched it off and tucked myself under the covers and went into a voluntary coma…

A couple of hours later, my sis came into my room to tell me it’s time to wake up… I put on my shirt and went out… tried all I can to remain coherent; I think I pulled it off alright…

The void was awaiting me in the room… I started feeling sick again… I don’t even remember what happened until I stated getting texts from Rasha and a heartwarming call from my sweet fried having read my previous post…

I prayed with the boys… at some point I laughed during prayer because Mocha kept making “martial” moves… that kid makes me laugh no matter what!!

I finally came close to my laptop again, I kept staring at one blog after the other, until I finally realized it’s no longer Monday…

I have survived the first Monday, not exactly as gracefully as I would have liked… it came with its own share of realizations, ones that only made it tougher, but a day has passed… and I can only hope next Monday will be less tense… But a part of me wishes it won’t!

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~ by insomniac on August 17, 2010.

4 Responses to “The First Monday…”

  1. Time does tend to make things a little easier, if not more watered down. I hope next monday is easier.

  2. I love you :)
    Bear HUGS*

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