فاقد الشئ من خيبته -أو غباوته- بيتنيل يعطيه

Or at least that’s what I’d relate to!

The common notion is “those who are lacking something are unable to give it”, but it has become too generalized to the extent that denies the existence of other scenarios.

I have seen un-mothered women who constantly mother everyone around them…

I have seen people who lack the so-much-needed sense of safety, but go on emotional battles protecting others!

Somehow, some people make up for lacking things they need by over-giving it to others who may not even need it…

The original statement denies people the human instinct of “giving”, simply because they’re “lacking”… it judges them for something on which they had no control. Not only that, but society also perhaps bullies them to oppose what’s expected them, at least those who rebel against the idea that lacking something makes them less human.

And then it becomes a vicious cycle… you lack something, but you summon all your energy to give it to others so that you’re never judged for being incomplete, or simply thought-of less… you give not only when you have taken nothing, but when you actually have nothing to give… and it never stops hurting that those to whom you give may never see it, feel it, or let alone appreciate it… and neither you can stop giving because for some mysterious (and idiotic) reason, you’ve associated feeling better about your pain to giving, somehow you think that you solve your own issues by solving those of others… well, it is the biggest delusion of all.

I will break my own cycle.

If I am ever to stand up for anyone, it will be for me because it hit me that by being strong for some people, I am only allowing them to be weaker… I will resist the urge to fight battles that are not mine simply because mine feel like a lost cause most of the time… because –news flash- no one is fighting my battles for me… and I am losing…

How is that for a lesson so hard to learn, yet much harder to apply…?!

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~ by insomniac on July 28, 2010.

6 Responses to “فاقد الشئ من خيبته -أو غباوته- بيتنيل يعطيه”

  1. speaking just for myself, the battles I felt I was losing were battles against my “self” and learned that to follow my bliss allowed me time to work through the fight without getting bruised…can it be possible for a gift not to have an afterlife for the giver, if it does have an afterlife, is it a gift?

    • gilbert, i read your comment 3 times… and i am still stuck on the last line “can it be possible for a gift not to have an afterlife for the giver, if it does have an afterlife, is it a gift?” – i don’t get it, would you mind explaining further?

    • I have had gifts given to me that later turned out not to be a gift, the giver had their own agenda about what I was to do with what I was given; when you give something away, it’s gone, to expect something else means it wasn’t a gift…does that help? pretzel logic :-)

    • it’s amazing how not only i get it, but i also relate :)

      it damages my brain cells when i keep thinking if someone was super kind to me because they had ulterior motives other than my being my naturally kind self!

      it really rocks my boat, in a very bad way

  2. i know i will sound a bit mean but u aint open to others to fight with u never less for u . maybe cz i dont know u or thats what i got from readin ur blog on another account i really like this post the hole idea is intresting .

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