One fight after the other…

One fight after the other… one time with the right person, a million others with the wrong person… one fight after the other…

Diminishing self worth in a split second… victimizing…

No, fight, because when you do you’re fighting for your self-worth; you’re rejecting the victim role you both fear and resent… FIGHT

But I don’t want to fight; I’ve been fighting all my life, one fight after the other… All worthless fights, not one of them changed a thing; only anger and resentment surface, followed by tears and pain, more pain than I can possibly bear…

You’re the fighter, you’re the rebel, you’re the one with the attitude, you’re the trouble-maker, you’re the bully

But I’m not, if anything, I’m the one who’s constantly bullied, even the fights, I’m always bullied into them, only my cries are too loud, they’re mistaken for roars! If only they knew it was all about pain, and sometimes even despair…

Fight, it’s your right, grab it, claim it, EARN IT!

But I am tired, I don’t wanna fight, I wanna be comforted and soothed for a change, I want to heal… I don’t want to point fingers or place blame, I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am without having to fight for that… that’s all I ever really wanted…

That’s a weakling’s talk. FIGHT, you will never get any of it unless you fight and enforce all of it to happen…

But I am weak, all the fighting has done nothing but weakened me, and I have no single breath left in me… I see every fight before I get into it, I hear the accusations and the judgments… “you’re just arguing”, “betestahbely, eh elly gab da le da”, “what will you change, you’re just stirring trouble”… the voices get louder than my cries and more painful than the pain I feel, and I am too tired and weak to fight, not even one more fight…

I have gotten into all the fights, even the ones that were not mine to care for… and I am all drained now, I am sitting this one out…

You coward, FIGHT, what are you afraid of, you’ve lost enough, nothing more to lose, one more fight shall be your first step of being heard for real this time!!!

One more fight!! One thing I can count on, there will always be more fights left for no one but me…

Advertisements

~ by insomniac on June 22, 2010.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: