Molding our Pain

Pain is a strong feeling that is extremely hard to control; you don’t know how to stop it or how to make it go away when it takes over you. Yet, since your childhood, people all around you teach you how to tame it and how to mould it so that it would be… “appropriate”??

How many times were you told to hold it together? How many times were you told not to cry, or to not to cry in public at least? How many times were you advised to not show people how much pain you feel? And as hard a lesson as it is for each of us to learn, somehow we all learned that lesson to the extent that some of us no longer even realize how much pain they are feeling because they’re too busy stuffing it in the mould they allowed society to dictate them!

I don’t remember the exact words or incidents, but I know I was taught to not make scenes or cry in public around the same time I was taught how to eat without making a mess, sadly I know I do it to my son every time he cries unnecessarily, from my point of view that is!

I have memory fragments of me holding back my tears and sucking them along with that lump, or quickly wiping off the corner of my eyes so that no one would see my tears! And that was long long ago! I even excelled at it to the extent of renaming my pain, and giving it different names that go with my personality such as anger, pride, stubbornness.

Truth is, every time I was too angry, too proud, or too stubborn, I was actually in too much pain, more than I could show! And whenever my pain got too much, to an alarming extent, my mind would completely shut down… picture that scene from any thriller with a museum burglary, when metal doors slide around precious items to protect them; that’s how my mind functions.

I particularly remembered the day I wrote that post and all the details in it, and I smile now because it makes sense to me why my mind had shut down that day, leaving me no words to say and no memories to explain why, only fragments  that didn’t make sense.

Bottom line, I don’t think we should mold our pain to make it easier for those around us to handle it! I mean WE ARE the ones who should handle our pain, we should only do what’s good for us, not what’s convenient for others!

Now I have to go break that mould and free the pain that I have managed to stuff, and I know it won’t be pretty.

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~ by insomniac on May 12, 2010.

7 Responses to “Molding our Pain”

  1. Couldn’t possibly agree more. We came to a point were it is against our own pride to accept hurt and pain. All what we do is smile and mutter “I’m fine,really.”
    Ya 5ebetna el te2ellah

  2. Molding our Pain « My Oblivia…

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

  3. Actually yes,I do care about my social image to a sick extend….no one should see me cry, or angry or hurt in public ,cause I am too proud to let them sympathize or need their help! Especially if they ‘re the ones who caused your pain.
    Not to mention making a scene :), and you know how curious and/or judgemental our community is.

    • that’s the thing, i care about how people perceive me as a tough girl, this is how i protect myself aslan… and i perfected the act to the extent that 80% of the time, i don’t even realize i am in pain, let alone acknowledge it… i overcompensate in other feelings, especially anger!!

      i always said screw society, and i believed it… but it turns out that i don’t acknowledge its effect on me when i am in pain, i insist on living up to my strong persona on the account of handling my pain! sad!

  4. I think it also has to do with not giving the person/persons that caused the pain the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me…in a way its like the only thing to still keep control of…saving face…

    • i do that too, but doesn’t those who hurt us also get to rob us of our right to hurt and ache when we NEED to… ya3ne not only do they hurt us the first time around, we’re not even free to show it until we know they wouldn’t know… sad, don’t you think?

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