A futile statement!

All the signs lead to one way…

I see wrong and right, I know what I should do, and I am almost certain it will make things better… but I don’t want to do it, I just want to remain feeling the way I do…

I am hurt, too hurt to want to get better; I feel like I’m owed an apology and those who wronged me have no damn clue. I am not just stubborn, I am arrogant too…

Thing is, no one is letting me settle inside the cocoon of my choice; every time I decide that I will just find myself a hiding place and stay there, away from all the people, someone drags me out there and gives me hope…

MESH LA3BA… I really feel like shit and I don’t even want to change it; I have the key but I don’t wanna use it…

I only felt that way before when I was contemplating leaving the ex.

All the feelings I felt then, and all the lessons and experiences I had to deal with since then are echoing in my head and telling me to head to a certain way, but I am exactly like Mocha when I yell at him  and he sits on the floor and says “ana za3lan”… aywa, ana za3lana, awy… and like Mocha when he’s in that mood, he’d be starving, and the food is right there, but he’s too angry to go eat because he wants to make a statement…

My statement is… I need to take before I can give… I am really tired of giving and getting nothing in return, it is draining and it means nothing to me anymore, I don’t want the growth or any of the shit people tell me I gain when I give… I am drained!

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~ by insomniac on April 12, 2010.

5 Responses to “A futile statement!”

  1. Oh Dear So bad you are feeling like this but its okie all I can say is that it is only when we feel we have hit rock bottom that we bounce back so keep hoping :)

    • well, my only explanation for never exactly bouncing like i want is that perhaps i never really hit rock bottom, which means there is actually worse than this!! ostor ya rab!

  2. “I need to take before I can give… I am really tired of giving and getting nothing in return, it is draining and it means nothing to me anymore, I don’t want the growth or any of the shit people tell me I gain when I give… I am drained!” I know that feeling…sorry to read that you’re feeling this way…I hope you feel better soon!!!

  3. It’s exhausting I know, but I’m thinking since it’s hard to ‘take’ (I mean you cant control what people give) so maybe you need to be selfish sometime, give yourself instead of others, try treating yourself more, maybe little things can be a start, maybe a vacation if you could, you’re severely needling a break!

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