A crazy and yet not so random thought!

Be forewarned, this is a rather bitter post; so if you’re in a good mood, don’t ruin it, save until you’re not, and if you’re in a bad mood, don’t make it worse!!!

I really wish marriages would have an expiry date on them… and before anyone gets all religious on me, I do realize marriages are supposed to have the intent of lasting forever, but hello, why would we be given the option of divorce? Because sometimes they just don’t!

Another one I know is considering a divorce! Next August would be her 5th wedding anniversary after a 2 year-love story and engagement period! Their boy would turn two in October! Does anyone else see the pattern? It just seems to fit the time frame of all marriages before they fall apart!!!

Are there any happily married couples out there??? And I mean couples who have been married for at least six years and also have at least one child.

I know I sound like a bitter and cynical anti-marriage/relationships “activist”… but I REALLY wanted to believe people could get into a relationship and get happily “steadily” married, even if it meant that misery just happened for me, at least it would have given me some sort of hope! But this weekend, hope was snatched away from me, again!

Ironically, the same conversation happened on the same day…

Don’t be too bitter, it’s not the you I remember… I know it must have been hard, but if you find someone whom you can love, don’t end it just because you gave up on marriage

Hahaha, up until today I hadn’t given up on marriage, I just gave up that there is someone out there for me

Don’t say that, I am sure he’s out there for you; you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you come from a good family… God wouldn’t let a girl like you be alone…

Oh come on! Don’t say God, now you just said the one word I can’t argue against!

I know things happen for a reason, I know God has a bigger plan with much more wisdom than we can possibly comprehend, but my mind can’t stop wondering!

So back to my original thought… can’t they come with an expiry date, and even a note that says “best to be used before (date)”! I won’t go further and suggest the instructions-on-how to-use part despite how tempting it is!

On a different note, my friend who’s as bitter and cynical about relationships and marriage (if not more), is starting to establish a club for our likes, and he’s seriously considering raising the membership fees since our group will be The Group, given how many people are unhappily married!

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~ by insomniac on April 11, 2010.

23 Responses to “A crazy and yet not so random thought!”

  1. Insooooo, 7aram 3aleki!

    I’ve been thinking about this lately, however I know deep down that my thoughts wouldn’t be that convenient. But I do have faith, not for “happy marriage”, but for a “steady” one, and this came as a result of lowering my expectations to the least.

    And then you came with your “crazy thought” and manipulated my leastest least!!

    • ommal ana a3mel eh!!!!!

      yeah, i should have said “steady marriages”; “happy” is just… too much to ask i suppose… but even the so called “steady” ones seem to be much rockier beneath the surface… 7aga tek2eb!!

      we kaman ana mesh sayba disclaimer foo2, enty elly areety el post at your own risk :)

  2. lol ana loyal reader l disclaimer da msh leya ;)

  3. you intrigue me. I’m new to blogging and a new multiple sclerosis patient. but INSOMNIA is not something new. INSOMNIANOMALIE =)

    • yeah, you’re definitely an award-winning insomniac if you’re up that late :)

      well, it’s quite flattering you find me intriguing, cause you’re one intriguing person yourself, not to mention positive and brave… keep it on :)

  4. la2 matkhafeesh 3aliena ya Inso :)
    I strongly believe that marriages come with expiration dates but we just seem to ignore them.
    I was just telling a friend a few days before that I am surrounded with all types of malfunctioning relationships.
    regardless if these marriages came to an end or the couple found reasons to keep on coupled, they are all malfunctioning.

    I will give you an example, I went to the Opera with a friend and because I am that lucky I met a distant family member their. So, I decided to go say hello. He is almost my dad’s age, married for at least 30 yrs and he was their with his wife and children. He has problems in his marriage. So after I said hello, he decided to hold my hands and go say hello to his wife. The poor woman who can barely see form a distance saw her husband kissing and holding a woman and moving towards her. You can imagine the amount of terror on her face till she recognized it was me.

    So for the rest of the night I couldn’t help but thinking what makes a person do such a thing to his wife. That woman stood by him for at least 30 yrs. She gave him children, home and sure misery but he gave her the same things too. So, why he just can’t respect her feelings, why he knew that he will terrorize her with such a tease yet he did it anyway?

    Something gets killed in process, and it is not love. Because he loves her and she does. But it wasn’t love that binded them together all these years. It was life, kids and social obligation. But in process respect got killed. And marriages expire when people stop respecting each others.

    I just can’t figure out why respect dies. What makes you love a person yet stop respecting them?

    Am I making any sense?

    • lol, Shimaa, i think you pinpointed the problem without knowing… i think it’s hard to keep the respect when you live with someone on daily basis and see them at their worst of worst… the vague glamor slowly fades and you see the other person as raw as it gets, starting with their stinking breath in the morning and following by all their nasty habits and mood swings!!!

      perhaps space helps after all, but then this friend is complaining that the space got too big and they drifted apart!!! tab eeh el 3amal!!!

  5. Divorce is offered as an option because in “some” cases marriage doesn’t work.
    As for the question ‘Is there any happy couples out there?’, well i started thinking, trying to find a good couple that i know, but I couldn’t find any!
    That’s not because marriages are destined to fail, but because of us, every failed relationship has reasons behind it.
    unhappy couples and high divorce rate are just 2 points from a large list of defects our society suffers from.
    even the single happy couple i know are destined to fail, although they don’t know that yet but I do, because i see them making all the mistakes that everybody else does.
    btw people loose respect when they don’t care anymore

    • i think “some” has become “many” in our time.

      again, perhaps marriages in our time are destined to fail because of the same mistakes we as individuals repeat despite our differences!

      unhappy marriages do not necessarily end in divorce, some of them just last miserably 3ady, leading to even further problems in the fabric of our society…

      and why do they stop caring? is it the abundance in the relationship that creates boredom?? is it our human nature to just take everything for granted once we have it? and again, what should people do???

  6. they stop caring because at some point it doesn’t make sense to them anymore, the love they felt before started to vanish and they start to see the relationship as a burden, and lots of responsibilities, and that’s all because our perspective of marriage is wrong.
    Also if i am to marry a girl i love and not expect to smell her bad breathe in the morning or see her using the bathroom, then i am not mature enough to be committed in a serious relationship such as marriage

    • i definitely agree that our perspective of marriage is wrong.

      when i said stinking breath, i didn’t mean to be literal… and i didn’t even have actual habits in mind… again, perhaps it’s a matter of perspective over things after all… we expect things to be something and they turn out to be something else, and we’re left with general dismay that slowly takes over things!!!

      so until we’re that evolved, i still call for an expiry date!

  7. “Happily married” just depends on our definition of happiness and our definition of married :) Rather than an expiry date I always thought we should have a trial period, where the couple lives together before getting married…but then everyone kept saying how immoral that was. I don’t know why, as most married couples live together like roommates anyway! :P

  8. The thing about marriage is we go in it with all these preconceived notions, and believe it or not “love” being one of them. Marriage is a partnership “mashroo3”, you pick a competent partner, sign a piece of paper, make a promise and to start a project of running a household and procreating. That’s all it should be.

    The problem here is, we go to college and business schools and earn MBAs and then we work in the real world for X amount of years before we gain enough experience to start our own project. But with this project, there is no trial period, so statistically speaking, it’s more likely to fail than not.

    For marriage, forget anything related to: love, passion, commonalities, friendship, etc. Ya3ni all the bullshit the movies have fed us for the past 70 years. This applies even if the girl and guy had all these things before they entered the marriage. It’s just not compatible.

    If people want all those things, then stick with a relationship, and even then, know that by definition, a relationship is temporary. Next best thing? A life-long friendship.

    • and the honorary membership goes to mindful!

      speaking of businesses, products have a life cycle and at some point they are reviewed to decide whether they should continue or be renovated or discontinue!

      marriage is a relationship, don’t you think that even that sort of has an expiry date unless it develops to friendship rather than a marriage!

  9. I dont agree with the “trail period” thing, it’s not what might make it work. maho maslan, in USA people usually have it and the divorce rate up to 50%, also our parents/grandparents never had it and most of their marriages worked just fine.

    it’s something else, I’m still not sure about it, but recently I found out something, maybe the way we’ve been raised, what ruined it, what ruined lots of things for us, bas parents are not alone to blame, there is something about us too (it’s just lame random theory)

    • Deppy, that’s a good point about divorce rates in the west. But keep in mind that the 50% divorce rate in the US is in a society where divorce is socially acceptable.

      Our divorce rates are in a society that still doesn’t fully accept divorce.

      Bas bardo you have a point, there’s something wrong with the structure itself.

    • deppy, in addition to mindful’s point… the trial period in theory means a couple should share a place to live, not a bed, to see what it’s really like to share the responsibility of a home and decide if they can do a marriage… bas it’s too naive to think a couple can live together without getting physically intimate…

      i am sticking to my expiry date theory until you figure out what’s missing with the recipe :D

  10. @ Mindful, I didnt mean to compare the divorce itself, I was just proving my opposing to the “trail period”, of course it differs completely.

    @ Ins, exactly! it’s a whole package, but dont you think “taking care of ourselves” trail is a better idea? I mean if most of girls cant offer a homemade meal for themselves(and I mean hena l dala3 not those who cant cook) or most of guys always depend on whatever who’ll serve him, if it’ll be his mom/his sis/his wife.

    those are the simplest signs of taking care of ourselves, and if we dont have a clue how to do it right, then we wont be able to run a whole family. (another random theory)

    about the expiry date theory, I dont fully get it.

    • i completely agree… i think each of us needs to support ourselves, nekhdem nafsena be nafsena before we do that with someone else…

      i personally hate doing any home chores on daily basis, i simply do them when i feel like it… most men assume it’s the woman’s job not to only to feed herself, but also him, and the entire household!!!

      as for the expiry date theory… it’s really simple if you understand that i believe in the term “this too shall pass” regarding both good things and bad things… i believe things fade, or at best, completely change, given time… i would like to know how long a relationship would last before it ends or change to something different, so that i can know in advance how much of me i shall invest in it, or to know if it’s worth it…

      i can do a relationship that lasts for a certain amount of time knowing it in advance, if i know it ends/change in a certain way, i will not be overwhelmed when it does… i like surprises, but that kind of surprise i just can’t handle i guess

  11. Hmm, then I’ll have to partially disagree with your theory, for me, I would rather have one quite good thing (or relationship) for the rest of the time, I believe we should meet several people, to learn, to know what’s best for us, but in the end we should stick to that ‘one person’ (nezam fairytales I know, da eli bnkhdo mn being old fashioned :D). fa if this theory applied for those several we meet along the way that would be great, bas in some point it has to stop.

    • problem is ya deppy that i no longer believe anything is meant to last as long as a lifetime; you see, we change and things change too quickly for us to know, and if you add our constant failure in communication, how does a relationship -let alone a marriage- stand a chance to last!

      and btw, i think marriages only lasted back in time because people had much lower expectations due to a much less exposure to other cultures, aaand comparing their lives against movies was a luxury, plus divorce did not seem much of an option, only in extreme cases… i know it’s stupid to refer to old B/W movies, but can’t you see how a lot of women back then believed it was ok for a wife to take a beating, or for a husband to cheat or take a second wife… how many of them stood up for themselves and asked for a divorce! i think it’s a sad inheritance, only it came with too much change for any of those marriage models to handle!

      i know i am too cynical…

      finally… balash mawdoo3 “the one” da oddamy, la2en beygeely harsh!! it is a sad notion to believe there is only one person for you out there, check what i wrote then

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