How do people do it?!

How does someone cry because someone they dislike is having a seriously dangerous surgery? Is it pure human compassion or mere pretense?

How does a man cheat on his pregnant wife and doesn’t bother being discrete about it, and then acts genuinely happy with his newly born? Doesn’t he get that he was doing great injustice to the person through whom God sent him his little gift?! Doesn’t he get that the he should either stop the cheating and be grateful or give divorce a thought and maintain his responsibilities towards his kids?? Or is it the norm in our twisted society?!

How does someone develop feelings for someone and then have a relationship with a completely different person?! Is it a defense mechanism or a matter of availability?

How can someone be in love with someone and nonetheless do the exact thing that would damage their relationship? Eradet ghabawa wala tab3 mennayel???

How can someone deny people their financial rights and then give away random charity?? Is it repentance or denial??

I know people should be all dynamic and ever changing… and I know that of all people, I am the last to ask for some consistency when I am all about mood swings, and extremes…

I won’t say I make sense, I don’t, not even to myself… and perhaps none of those people should make sense either…

I just need to know how to deal with all that…

It takes a lot for me to think highly of someone, and then it takes me even more to be offended by them, but when I am out of excuses for one mistake after the other, I just let go, and it hurts so badly no matter how far I’ve moved on with my life beyond their existence!

At some point, it’s just easy to stop considering they exist, to pretend like they are no longer there, but then they just won’t let me be, they either get sick or do something extraordinarily nice, or plainly ask for forgiveness, and somehow they expect me to find that button that makes it all ok again, but I can’t, and I just don’t know how!!

It’s not about the pain they caused, and neither is it about forgiveness… it is basically about how it’s utterly confusing to undo the whole letting go process… letting go and moving on are hard enough a process to be undone, or perhaps to even be repeated after being undone!!

People, give me a break, I am not that resilient or dynamic despite how I seem to be!!

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~ by insomniac on April 7, 2010.

12 Responses to “How do people do it?!”

  1. you are not the only one who thinks so.

  2. I’ve been meaning to comment since i read your Post earlier this morning, but the thoughts drained me and i thought I’d offer my 2ersheen when I’m in a better state. (debaga LA labod menha)

    Many questions and no right answer in my opinion…because i would never totally and completely comprehend how people (me included) contradict themselves…nor can i comprehend how i accept their reasoning, the reasoning that often manages to make some sense because i keep holding on to believing in goodness and kindness and that we are all some misfortuned ghalaba that life made us victims and monsters all at the same time.

    When these questions make me mad at life/people/myself and i start hating everything even goodness…i feel as if I’m slipping away into a pit that is more scary than death, my ultimate fear.

    So…i figure, it’s an “as is” situation…that’s life…that’s hurt and that’s pain…and I’m taking my fair share of it whether i deserve it or not.

    I will take it…i will deal the best i know how which is not clear and right and logic at most times…i will fight and i loose or win then loose again…at the end, i don’t see much difference…because other experiences make me slip away in the scary pit…and so on.

    call it my very own way of surviving each day, till there’s no other day and the whole matter ends for me…and i know it’s ending…so why the fuss, i think!

    I blabbered alot here, but, it is a very LIVE post that tackled very LIVE tingling pains inside.

    Love you my friend*

    • ya roosh ya roosh :)

      you know, you’re the one person who keeps me in perspective! every time i rant to you about how the people in my life make no sense to me, you tell me something within the lines of “mokh kol wa7ed feina mataha that is brilliant and impossible to explain and we can never really know what happens in other people’s heads”

      yes, i get angry at life, people, and ultimately myself… and when i slip in my own extremes and contradictions, i feel like i betrayed my own principles and rules and i just become more rigid in order to not let it happen again and face any more ethical dilemmas! i think i become rigid because i don’t want to be the kind of ethically and morally contradicting i see in people!!!

      how about coffee saturday morning?? and perhaps pool later if it’s warm??

    • I wish…I have work. yet, i’d love to skip and take a dip :)
      we’ll be in touch.
      Hugs*

  3. Sadly, more n more people are doin this sh!t. n then they say that they were driven to do it. Most common excuse: “I didnt get enough attention frm you” -.-

    • if i’d have one wish for humanity, it would be that each of them would consider the impact or what they say or do on them if they were on its receiving end… may be the would see for themselves what they fail to see otherwise!

  4. People are not black or white, angels or demons, most of us live in between. what makes it hard it not accepting their actions towards us, but trying to reason it, understand their motives, because most of the time we are never able to understand or comprehend others motives.
    “undoing the letting go process” is confusing for me, and I don’t think i could ever do something like that.
    rabena ma3ake

    • right, people are not one extreme all the time, they are both extremes and all that’s in between, i get that… what i find hard to process is how they can face their own contradictions and how they explain them to themselves!!!

      i can justify my contradictions based on situations and people… but it’s hard to see…

      ازاي واحد يتمنى الموت لحد و يعيط في جنازته؟؟؟ ازاي راجل يخون مراته اللي شايلة ابنه؟؟؟؟ ازاي واحد ياكل حق ناس و يوزع صدقة؟؟؟ هو ده نفاق و لا محدش بقة فاهم هو بيتصرف ليه و على اساس ايه

      undoing the letting go process is something i force myself to do it only because i fear that i would be doing someone injustice with my indifference, and because i fear karma would kick my ass and the tables would turn and i find myself misunderstood by someone for whom i care!!

  5. Because it’s not contradictions to them, it’s just tangling motives. maybe after 1000 years from now people would be able to understand themselves better, therefore they will be able to untangle those motives, but for now we’ll have to accept it the way it is.

  6. “It takes a lot for me to think highly of someone, and then it takes me even more to be offended by them, but when I am out of excuses for one mistake after the other, I just let go, and it hurts so badly no matter how far I’ve moved on with my life beyond their existence!” I completely agree. The pain of giving up sometimes makes one wonder if its worth it again but when it comes down to it no person is their own island and can’t judge a batch from one bad apple.

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