I get it’s your coping mechanism, I relate; I got it from you, the temper, the obsession over being in control… I really understand, you’re not in control on this one, and it’s making you scared and angry and you wanna take it out on the whole world, been there, all my life!

But you need to step back and see at least one more angle other than yours! It’s not about you this time, and there are a few more things to take into consideration, I know most of which you’re not willing to be told, but aren’t grownups supposed to suck it up, isn’t that what you taught me?

I want to sit next to you and say nothing, just sit, and allow the two of us to feel each other’s presence; instead, I am in my room, scared to death of too many things I just can’t phrase… I know I should hold you, or let you hold me, but I am afraid we’re both too vulnerable, we’d start getting emotional; God forbid we cry in front of each other!

And my mind, it’s playing its own silly coping mechanisms, distracting me by all the irritating thoughts, and I hate it! It’s digging up old skeletons I’ve buried to keep me busy, and it’s not helping, at all. And the cold, it’s getting worse, I keep drugging myself with Panadol cold & flu to eliminate the physical pain from the equation, the last I need is a headache or an earache… a stuffy nose, a sore throat and a coarse voice will do just fine!

They fight fire with fire in forests! They say the best way to get over a bad relationship is to get into another one, we ya salam law tel3et worse, it sort of gives you perspective!! And the best way to get distracted from pain, is to feel worse pain, especially if you’re not that responsive to pain killers! So, I got a higher dose of pain and confusion, and my constant fear now is that the vicious circle doesn’t stop, and that I would need yet more pain to “appreciate” this one… eh el tahreeg da!


~ by insomniac on March 20, 2010.

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