The “Astek” Theory


 So I finally figured it out, or some of it that is…

It’s a bit cartoon-ish in my head, so bear with me…

I don’t react instantly, although my mind connects dots really quickly even when I don’t know it…

Wait a minute, I do react in my head even before something happens; I see how conversations go before they even start and I usually see myself acting ahead as per my own expectations of my self, which might I add, are not always accurate because I am too idealistic sometimes.

Things don’t always go according to my scenario, well they barely ever do, but the point is that I don’t necessarily pay that much attention to what is actually happening because my minds is already way ahead of most current events, even if I am not fully aware of what they mean or whatever imaginary consequences and their potential connotations… you see, the images are too fast and each lasts for a minor fraction of a second…

So, all of a sudden, hours, days, weeks, months, and even years later, it hits me… and baaaaam!

Just like a rubber band (astek) that’s been stretched too far and remained tense for all the possible reasons, and then all of a sudden released at its full momentum… one word: BAAAAAAM!

It’s really ironic because I am not the person you would think is slow, but it makes sense sort of, I mean it’s like skimming through an email or an article and leaving it for a few days before you read it again and totally grasp its content…

It could be a defense mechanism I developed through the years, the stupid 28 (almost 29) years…

Up until today, I didn’t exactly mind, I was busy thinking of imaginary things happening based on givens from years ago! But today, I realized that I am almost 29 and I have two kids who are growing up really fast, and I have no idea what I’m doing and I have no one to help me…

Where did my years go? And why I can’t seem to count 10 happy moments to justify all the mess??

I wanna start a new page where none of the past events will haunt me later when I fully realize them, I really do… but how do I do that without suppressing them, or locking them in a box, or any other self-destructive way? How does one start a new? Anyone??

~ by insomniac on February 24, 2010.

2 Responses to “The “Astek” Theory”

  1. In my opinion only when you feel at peace with everything in your past, no matter how painful. Otherwise you’ll lock all your issues away and one day they will jump back at you.

  2. I guess it ‘s when you realize that the past is not you , it ,was you , now you’re someone else , with new experiences to come , with mistakes to avoid and new ones to make as well :) ….I don’t if that helps!

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