If it were up to me…
I would not get out of bed…
I would not wash my face or even look in the mirror…
I would not get out of my room, let alone go through my daily routines…
I would just lay there, unable to sleep, unable to cry, unable to even think properly…
But for some reason that I still don’t get, it is not really up to me…
So I went to bed early in hopes of sleep…
So I woke up early to spend my last day off of work…
So I went to the pool with Rasha…
So I made the decision to start going to the gym tomorrow…
So I had my nails done and almost got my hair dyed…
I have no idea why or for whom I am keeping it together… I don’t even want to do it for myself, yet I do it… I push myself through until it passes…
So I kept it together as much as I could, until that smoke, I inhaled it all in like I never did before… I gave myself a sarcastic smile, a smoker who works out, yet another extreme…
Until I went home… my mask fell down just like that…
I tried to hide in my bed under the covers, but I couldn’t…
I tried to talk to my dad and my sister, but I couldn’t…
I went to my laptop and started playing music to which I know I shouldn’t be listening…
I don’t mean to be cold and distant, it’s just the only way I try to keep it together…
It is not cruelty, it’s pain…
ohhh Inso :(